When a couple gets together, usually they do not expect their relationship to end or to end in a mess. Fortunately, not all relationship breakdowns end up in a fight. In fact, the family law court records that about two thirds of all cases filed are those seeking orders by consent, that is where parties agree about the outcome. Indeed, the Australian family law court asks everyone including the lawyers to focus on the future, to put down their weapons and to resolve disputes so the parties and their family can get on with their lives. Despite that some people are caught up in a pattern of continued fighting.
Here are a number of ways you can avoid a messy and expensive battle after a break up:
- Look after yourself. Get help from a professional to assist you deal with the stress and upset of relationship breakdown. Contact your GP and discuss your needs and concerns. Psychologists and mental health experts can provide support and help on how to navigate the challenges you might face.
- Get proper legal advice from a family lawyer before you decide to separate and as soon as you separate. Try to resolve arrangements about children and finances before you get seriously involved with a new partner.
- Get tax advice from an accountant as to the tax implications of what you and/or your former partner are discussing and any proposals on the table.
- Take responsibility for the relationship and its breakdown even if you believe you are not to blame. The family law court does not attribute blame. Instead the court determines all cases based on considerations set out in the law.
- Don’t get advice from your family, friends, new partner, work mates or social media Don’t think that your case is like theirs. Every case and every family is different. And don’t discuss your family law matter with your children.
- Try your best to resolve issues between you and your partner. The family law system is focused on sorting out disputes and strongly encourages all parties and lawyers to work towards negotiated agreed outcomes. Part of this process is compulsory disclosure of all issues and relevant documents and dispute resolution.
- Use methods such as negotiation, mediation, arbitration and collaborative practice to resolve any dispute, instead of lengthy litigation. Going to court is expensive, exhausting, drawn out and you no longer have any control of the outcome.
- Once you reach agreement, make sure you get a lawyer to draw up formal documents (such as parenting plan, consent orders or a financial agreement) to record and effect your agreement. We strongly recommend consent orders reviewed and made by the court as the best method to finalise a family law agreement. A handshake or spreadsheet does not create a binding commitment and is not enforceable if one party does not actually do as they promised.
- Don’t think that now you are separated, your former partner will change. People who always run late, do not become punctual. People who like to argue will not become less conflicted. Manage your expectations.
- Be very careful about what you post to social media. Better still take a break from social media for a while.
Please contact our lead family law partner, Kathryn Kearley, for further information. Kathryn is an accredited specialist in family law with many years of experience, including a lawyer for will disputes. She can help you negotiate and record a practical and realistic agreement with your former partner.
Kathryn Kearley Email: [email protected] Telephone: +61 2 9804 5700
